Submission on the run

Do you know how hard it is to be a submissive when you don’t have the time in a day to remember to eat? Really? Running after kids, working, studying and still trying to keep up with life. If it wasn’t for my amazing Master, I’d be blogging in dirty clothes.

As much as I’ve had to do recently, it got me to thinking, which I never seem to stop doing. How have I managed to stay standing, let alone submissive. How do we, as submissives, go from being so dominante in our lives to submitting everything to another?

Through a particularly hectic day recently, when given a moment to breathe, all I could think about way my Master. He wasn’t there with me, and I felt something was missing. I am perfectly able to take control and make difficult decisions and make sure everything is taken care of. I am far from helpless. But, not having him there was very noticeable to me. When my thoughts started to drift, I wanted more than anything to submit. I needed him to be in control of me, and make me helpless and unable to make a choice. It was then that I had my epiphany!

I can do anything I set my mind to, but I get tired. In order to keep up the pace of being in control, I need little breaks of not being in control. Yes, I submit to my Master all day every day, but that isn’t always realistic. I certainly can’t stop and ask permission to use the bathroom at work, or if I’m allowed to do my job or how to handle the kids.

D/s is a wonderful life and I wouldn’t trade it for anything, it just doesn’t fit every second of every day. Sometimes even a sub needs to take charge. Most Doms (I would hope all) would be proud knowing their sub is able to take care of things without constant direction and they are capable people. I know Doms like being needed and having us there to submit to them, but it’s a good feeling knowing we are able to take care of ourselves from time to time.

As a sub I feel release and freedom when I’m permitted to submit to my Master. When I can just give up control to him and know that everything will still be ok. He will take care of me, and make sure I don’t have to make decisions. For me, I need that comfort, knowing that I don’t have to be in control.

While I’m still baffled as to how a Dom can keep their sanity remaining in control all the time, I’m endlessly grateful my Master can. His desire for control is what brings me peace and serenity. I can only hope that he knows how much I love and adore him. He makes me proud to belong to him. I don’t think I could ever thank him enough for giving me exactly what I need each day to help me keep going.

Safety In The Dark: Part One

The room was dark, lit only by the soft glow from a pillar candle set atop a small chest. The black sheets felt cool to her naked skin, as she lay on her stomach across the bed. A cool breeze blowing from the ceiling fan, causing small bumps to rise down the length of her body. She resisted the urge to curl her body in closer to keep warm, knowing she needed to lie still as she was told. With her face down in the softness of her pillow, she was unsure where he was.

Her breathing came more ragged as her anxiousness grew. It was nights like this that she lived for, but it never seemed to stop her from being nervous when the time came. Everything she hoped for, and everything she feared all rolled into one exquisite moment. Every time was different, even if only a little. Which kept her constantly unsure of what to expect, playing more into her nervousness.

After laying in the cold, for what seemed like hours, she heard him moving closer to her. The sound was too muffled for her to know from what side he was approaching. Her breath stuttered as she felt him place a warm hand on her ankle. He was ever so gentle as he touched her, and slid his hand slowly up the back of her leg. He caressed her thigh with his finger tips softly. Never moving his fingers from her backside, she felt a sharp slap on her ass, as he brought down his other hand firmly. The warmth from the sting radiated outward, and began to remove the cold that had been creeping over her body.

She inhaled sharply, then slowly let out a muffled whimper. Just as she began to catch her breath, she felt another sharp slap, across the other side of her ass. This time bringing a small shout from her lips. Breathing heavily and feeling the warm sting trail out from the certainly now red mark, she resisted the urge to writhe about. It was all she could do to hold still. The thoughts of all that could happen raced through her mind, adding to the excitement and the struggle to do as she was told.

He grabbed hold of her other ankle, and quickly pulled them apart. She was left open and bare. He made he way up the bed, staying between her legs. As he slid closer to her, she could feel the warm fabric of the jeans he still wore. She couldn't help herself from whimpering as he leaned down on her to clasp both her wrists, and she felt the cold from the buckle on his pants.

He pulled her arms behind her, to her wrists which were at her waist. Holding her hands in place with one hand, he firmly stroked her hair. She relaxed into the feel of his hand on her head, and began to calm. Her breathing slowed, as she knew from that one small gesture that all things were done to her, as evidence of love.

After only a moment the cold leather of the wrist cuffs were being tightened around her. Again she struggled not to squirm, only failing slightly. She heard a soft "Tsk Tsk", from him, just before a solid slap fell hard across her ass once more. Tearing a solid scream from her lips. She quickly caught her breath and whispered, "I'm sorry." Her forgiveness came only in the form of a light caress across her still stinging ass.

He locked the wrist cuffs together behind her back, leaving her with no way to lift herself off the bed. She was stuck with her face buried in the pillow. She could still feel him kneeling between her naked thighs, the coarse denim of his pants was oddly comforting. She felt vulnerable and helpless, yet safer than she ever had. He usually had this effect on her. Only beneath him could she truly find peace. She lived to serve him in all ways. She gave up her Independence, for the safety of his dominance. He was her Master, and her His submissive.

Chivalry meet Feminism

I can vote, do construction, and join the military. I can wear pants, drive, become a CEO. I can go to college, get a higher education, and live on my own.

I thank my great grandmother, and her generation for these things. They walked through hell to give me the rights to be who and what I wanted. They wanted me to have the freedom to be anything I wanted to be.

The women of that generation had amazing intentions, and a good point. Women are NOT second class citizens. They are as much human as any man. There is nothing a man can do, that I can't. Unless you count peeing while standing and not soaking my socks. But honestly... even if it's only 30 seconds, I'll take that time to sit, thank you very much.

Now... here is where I start to get a little pissed off. Over the last 90 or so years, women have evolved into this, conglomeration of fangs and hatred of all things with a penis. Why? Why are men viewed as the enemy? Why are women who choose to stay home with their kids frowned upon by the feminists?

The goal of a feminist is to give women the right to do anything they choose to do. Be it working full time driving a forklift, or running a major company... or *gasp* staying home and cleaning and raising children. If you fight to give women a choice, shouldn't you respect the choice they make?

As a young girl, I used to fight my feelings, because I was told they were wrong. I was to get a higher education and get a good job and support myself. That's not what I wanted. But, my mothers generation were the women out burning their bras. All I wanted to do was wear one.

Now ladies, it's impossible to expect men to know what the hell we want as a gender. Because as a gender we don't even know what the hell we want! We want chivalry, and men to behave as gentlemen, yet treat us a equals. How is that possible. Do you want to be treated as a man, or a woman? You want to be equal? Fine! Open your own fucking doors, pull out your own fucking chairs, and pump your own fucking gas! Don't define jobs around the house as "mans work"... no no sweetie, you get off your ass and fix that leaky drain your damn self.

Why not? Most men I know can cook, sew the holes in their pants, and do their own laundry. Tons of single Dads out there are perfectly happy to help the kids with homework, and make sure they are clean and fed. Here they are doing "women's work".



So what do women want? Many are offended if a man opens their door. "I can open my own damn door." Well no one said you couldn't, it's just a polite thing to do. "I can get my own damn chair." Yes, I'm sure you can. I hear all the time that women get less pay for the same jobs. Granted I've never worked in anything too professional. However, I've never experienced this. In fact, most jobs I've had, I get paid more than others, male or female. Why? Because I'm good at what I do. I've always been paid based on my qualifications, not on whats in my jeans. I'm sure the pay thing happens, but, I've never seen it.

Some of my favorite quotes, "Men are pigs" "They can sleep with anything they want and it's ok, but if a woman does it shes a whore", "Look at him checkin her out, she's such a whore." Good grief ladies! Why are we all out to get one another!? I'll tell you why... because we have no idea what we want! And when we see a woman doing what we wish we could be doing, we're jealous. Yes I said it, Jealous!!!

She's skinnier than you, prettier than you, dresses better than you, has more grace than you. WHO FUCKING CARES!? Be YOU not her. There is no mold for women. We don't all have to be the same to be right. I'm guilty of this on occasion. Our society tells us we are wrong. Lets look for just a quick second at who is telling us we are wrong...

FASHION MAGAZINES! Wow... lookee there. A fashion magazine says my man will only want me if I wear those shoes, buy that sweater, and eat that brand of diet pills. Hmmm, now why would they say that? Oh that's right, because they are getting paid for the ads. Riiiight, it's money. They get paid to make you feel inferior and pathetic.

Women are all over the map. Wanna know what a man wants? I can tell you. Seriously, I actually think I can sum it up into a few simple words. Men want to feel useful, they like to 'make things' and feel handy. They like to know they are needed. In a woman, most men want a slut in bed and a girl next door to take home to Mom. Be both, and he's yours!

Really, most men can be summed up into a paragraph. It would take a 5,000 page book to even scratch the surface of women.

I am endlessly grateful to my great grandmother, and her whole generation. They gave me so much. I think most women take that for granted. Less than 100 years ago we couldn't even vote! Be fucking grateful for once! Acknowledge what we do have. Stop judging other women! 90 years of fighting for our freedom! Freedom to do what -I- want to do, and by God, I'm going to do it.

Misbehavior and the art of Submission

Imp
Little Shit
Pain in the ass
Bitch
Obnoxious
*cursing and grumbling*

Hmmm, if I had a nickle for every time I heard that! Ya know what... I don't need a whole nickle, a penny would do. One penny for every time I heard one of those wonderful terms, and I could buy the Taj Mahal!

But why? Isn't the idea of submission to obey, and serve your Master to the best of your ability? Well yes, and no. Why is it that submissives test their Masters? Doing things to deliberately push the boundaries and walk a very fine line between "What a good girl you've been!" and "What the hell? You are such a pain in the ass!"

Why do we do this? I'm not certain why other submissives do it, but I am certain that they do. It's in the nature of a submissive to behave in that manner. Best I can do, is explain this phenomenon from my personal experience.

But first, a disclaimer! Every time I misbehave it is not on purpose! I don't always make mistakes to get a reaction. Sometimes they are just that, mistakes. Sometimes when they are on purpose, they aren't a conscious decision. Now that that is out of the way...

What does poor behavior lead to? It leads to ones Master being rather pissed off, and worse yet, disappointed. Ack, the dreaded word! Disappointment! Of all the horrible things He could say, that is by far the worst. I would take a spanking, being yelled at, or sitting in a corner (which is so not going to happen), before I can handle knowing He's disappointed.

So this misbehavior business... why do it? It's an art form. There is a very small space to fit into between disappointment/anger and frustration. The idea is to keep Him teetering near frustration. The reason.. now that is much harder to explain.

Submissives are odd critters. We have very similar qualities, and yet are so different. One quality I have found that transcends most subs. We like to be reminded of our place. I feel safe knowing that I'm owned. When He uses my favorite word... "Mine". I find that I get slightly needy, and feel lost when I haven't had a reminder in a while. This time can be anywhere from 5 minutes to 5 days. Really it's whenever my mind has decided it's time. Once this happens, that is when my behavior will slip. Feeling sorry for Him yet?

There are times when I will slip and misbehave on purpose. Poor behavior gets attention, and sometimes faster than good behavior. It's not all about the attention, it's about the type of attention. If I misbehave, and He corrects my behavior, I'm reminded of my place. I again feel secure in my submission and can relax. While it would be nice to be constantly reminded of my submission, that is just unrealistic, and unfair to ask of Him.

Yes, it would be easier to simply ask Him to remind me. But, it wouldn't have the same effect I'm craving. What I crave is to feel His control, and His Domination over me. I want to feel compelled to follow his will, and leave mine. Asking Him for this wouldn't have the same effect. Besides, asking for it, hmmm... what am I asking? Please Dominate me? Somehow I don't think that works out right.

Which leaves me with the misbehavior option. Small things, never anything too big. This is where the art comes in. How to keep Him on the edge of true annoyance, and not let Him fall off. Small things will attract His attention, and usually give you the desired result. He will force you to stop. Even small things, a look, and gesture, a spanking, or even a few soft words. His arsenal is unlimited. Though when used properly will pull me back to where I desire to be, in His control. Because while under his control, there is peace and safety.

When left too long to my own devices, who knows what could happen! Really... and idle sub is nothing but trouble!

Interesting Revelations

1. Submission - The state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

2. Independence - freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others.

The act of submission is far from simple. In fact, it's by far the hardest thing I've ever done. Comparing past vanilla relationships with BDSM, there are so many benefits, and many new obstacles to overcome.



The appeal of submission. I have had the pleasure of meeting and befriending many submissive women over the years. Most of them are incredibly strong women, they take charge of a situation and are very dominant in their lives. We have opinions, feelings, thoughts, ideals, and dreams. The amount of strength it takes to be a woman these days is astounding. Then take that same strength, compound it by the strength it takes to give up control.

Even with the amazing strength it takes to submit, there are many insecurities that nag at the back of my mind. Of these, I think the most common is being unsure of where I stand. Being submissive is something I have always been, but most of my relationships have been vanilla. So I was not given the opportunity to give in to my submissive tendencies. Now I am able to explore my submission fully. So far it has given me incredible joy, and peace... and doubt.

A Dominant seeks a submissive. A submissive seeks a Dominant. As a submissive I know what I want. I need to submit, I need to be needed, I need to be controlled and cared for. Now this is where the confusion comes into play for me. What is it that a Dominant wants?

I live to submit, to be owned. I will do almost anything that is asked of me. The word no will almost never pass my lips. If He needs me to get Him a drink, then I will. If He needs me to clean, I will. Do dishes, I will. Take pain, submit to sex, be tied up, run to the store, fix my hair, sit quietly... I will.

What exactly is the appeal there? This is my problem. Wouldn't that get old? My insecurity sneaks it's way into my life. Is there such a thing as too much submission? Will He get tired of my constant willingness? Or will that only lead to a stronger relationship? I have no desire to say no, I'm happy to give all that I have. It makes me feel more complete.

Will He tire of me, and my submission? If He tires of me, will He look for other women? Will He look for a woman who is stronger, and more dominant? One that will say no? Or perhaps just a woman this isn't so willing. Maybe He wants more of a challenge.

As a submissive, it would become bothersome to me, if a man were always willing to do everything I wished. It is difficult to see things from any other perspective, because I've never been on any other side. I would bore with him quickly, and look elsewhere for what I really wanted. My fear lies in what I do not know, and have no true way to understand.

Reminder

Hold me, hurt me, pull me, guide me.
Tell me where I should be.
Cast Your gaze upon me,
So that I may remember.
My body, my mind, my heart.
They all belong to You.
Speak to me Your sweet words,
So that I may remember.
Love me, cuddle me, caress me.
Place me where You will have me.
Run Your hands across my body,
So that I may remember.
Teach me, discipline me, spank me.
Give me rules and structure.
Show Your disappointment and Your pride,
So that I may remember.
I give to You all that I am.
My service, my love, my obediance.
I need You, in all ways, to remind me,
That I'll always belong to You.